Did the earth move for you?

John is hoping there are no aftershocks when he goes back to bed.

Chris survived the Yorkshire earth quake…

Lucy must stop reading about earthquakes on wikipedia and go back to bed.

Donna is so freaked out by the Earth Quake last night

Jill is very glad she didn’t imagine that!

And that was just the tip of the iceberg my friends. Come on it was hardly San Fran-fucking-cisco 1906 was it? Some bloke got a little bit hurt by a chimney. Good job this lot weren't caught up in the tsuanami, I imaigne its much harder to cling to a rock if one of your hands is desperately trying to access your mobile WAP at the same time....

No, you didn't

Colin shot Castro

No, you didn't. You don't even know what a gun looks like, save for those ones used in the numerous editions of star trek you can recite off by heart.

Vanessa has gone 2 days wih no cigarettes. Whoo Hoo!

If you do manage to give up altogether, will this be a daily feature? I imagine this may get quiet tedious - even for you - after let's say, well 2 days maybe?

Keely is glad to be alive after surviving an elephant stampede in the jungle

I'm on holiday! I'm on holiday! I'm on Holiday! I'm on holiday! I'm on holiday! Oh fuck off.

You thought wrong....

Andy is having an apalling day at work and I thought everyone might like to know! :)

I'll give you some credit, Andy, you've at least highlighted why a status update is a waste of time - because, contrary to your belief nobody would actually like to know. But well done, you're at least aware of your own self-serving nature.

Update me do, you know I love you

Jane is thinking where her flowers are?????? xx.

They aren't coming Jane. You're lonely aren't you. And no amount of updating is going to change

Sonia is wondering where the 10 valentines cards came from.

Translation: Sonia hasn't got a single Valentine card.

Kevin is gutted. Post lady just been and aint left a single Valentines card.:)

Very much like evrey other year of your lonely existence then eh kev?

I'm waiting for the first postman/ bad back based crack, it can only be moments away. In the mean time someone is actually having a good valentines...

Fran is looking forward to her romantic evening that is being planned this very moment - bless him!

Or… I’VE GOT A BOYFRIEND, I’VE GOT A BOYFRiEND, I’VE GOT A BOYFRIEND.

Personally I’d be a little less keen to advertise that my significant other was organising things so late in the day. Kind of suggests that they might have been holding out for someone better to come along no?

Jane still has no flowers!!!! xx and just read Lisa's status and am so gutted Trish has 3 and I have 0!!! xx.

Keep us posted Jane, I don't expect them to arrive any time soon....but I'm pretty fucking sure you'll let me know if they do.

Ticket to sigh..

Kev is wondering if any of his lovely facebook friends fancy watching Duffy? Tickets go on sale 9am Fri 15 Feb.

Or, if you will, I haven't got ANY real friends at all otherwise I'd call them up and ask them. Or perhaps ask them when I see them. So I'll put out an appeal to the few people I vaugely know on an internet site, using an application absolutely built for loners, weirdos and nobody's like me.

Paul is happy.

Ah constant running emotional cyber commentry. The sign of a real man.

The meek and the....

Ben is mildly fed up.

It's the use of the word 'mildly' here that bothers me. If your emotion towards whatever thing can only best be described as 'mild', then it pretty much doesn't matter does it?

If you're 'mildly' against child-prostitution that kind of suggests you can just about stomach it where required. So as with in this update, if you're 'mildly' fed up then you can probably manage to get on with it.

And not, thereby, bother me and your other 150 mates with your 'mild' state of disillusionment with something that I shan't bother to find out any more about. As that, ben, would be a waste of my time.

Don't stop...

NATALIE is debating what to put in this damn box.

Right, so you're admitting that you don't actually have any need/reason to update your status here. You don't even have anything mundane to share with the world. All you have to share is the lack of anything to share.

Fuck me, has someone got a gun to your head saying 'update your status or die', 'just put something in the damn box'. If so, they're the worst terrorists with the worst set of demands ever, and well done for being kidnapped by them, I hope you aren't released in time for another pointless fucking update. How have you enlightened anyones world by sharing this with us?

I actually think this is the worst one I've ever seen. At least some, while ultimately frivolous, actually let people know about stuff. All this has achieved is informing me how empty your life is.

But then just a few hours later, the following happens, and the whole 'worst one ever seen' thing has to be reviewed. Because....

Polly is going to bed now.

Does Polly honestly think anyone reading that actually gives a flying one? Or has she reached a new low whereby the facebook page is treated as a pleasantly benign live in elder relative; one who should be conversed with as if he/she was sitting in the corner of the living room, in an arm chair, watching Film 08 whilst Polly goes upstairs to do her teeth put her pjs on?

I'd love to find out, and if the above is in any way representative of Pollys attitude to public domain/her life interface I probably will. Quite soon.